Getting Started

The following worksheets can help give you an idea of items to be considered as you prepare to mediate your divorce. Keep in mind they are meant to offer you a guide and they may not be all inclusive for every situation.

Asset Disclosure
Budget
Parenting Plan Considerations

You can refer to the Montana State Law Library to review and learn about the necessary forms for filing for divorce.

Frequently asked questions

What is mediation?

Mediation is a form of dispute resolution where the disputing parties voluntarily come together to resolve the issues in conflict with the help of a neutral third party. The mediator(s) - facilitates their communication and their process for resolution as they move toward an agreement that works for all involved.

We can’t seem to communicate with each other now, how can we mediate our divorce?

This is not unusual for most couples experiencing the end of a significant relationship and we bring our expertise and communication skills to facilitate your divorce process. The skills we bring can assist you to work cooperatively as you resolve the issues of your divorce. We will guide and facilitate your dialogue, help clarify issues and help you brainstorm creative solutions for your issues so that you can move forward through the divorce in a respectful manner.

Do I need a lawyer if I agree to do mediation?

We always refer our clients to their attorney for legal advice. It is common to do mediation and consult with your attorney to review your agreement.

What if my spouse or partner doesn’t want to mediate our divorce?

We’d be happy to answer any questions your spouse or partner may have regarding mediation and its benefits. It is important that each party voluntarily agree to move forward in good faith when entering mediation. You can remind your spouse or partner of the benefits to mediation and how it can save them time, money and emotional wear and tear in the long run.

What if we can’t reach an agreement?

Of course it would be ideal if an agreement could be found for everything but sometimes that just doesn’t happen. You may find that you can find resolution for a number of issues and there’s one thing you just cannot seem to agree on. You will still have saved time and money on the issues you were able to agree upon. You can choose to move forward with your attorneys for those items for which you cannot come to agreement. Remember, the mediation process you have gone through is confidential, and your mediator cannot be called to testify in court, if you do choose to litigate after mediation.

Helpful links

Montana Mediation Association www.mtmediation.org is a professional organization of practicing mediators in Montana that subscribe to the Association’s standards of practice and ethical guidelines. Association membership levels are Associate, Full, and Full with Family Designation. Membership type is based upon training and experience.

www.mediate.com A website with access to a list of mediators nationwide. This site provides mediator experience ratings based upon self-reported training and experience. You can also search for more information on a particular mediation topic, such as divorce, co-mediation, etc. Click here and type in your topic of interest.

Here are some articles from mediate.com in which you might have an interest:

Contemplating Divorce? Consider Mediation
Philip Mulford
08/13/2006
This article gives an overview of the benefits of mediation vs. divorce litigation.

If You're Divorcing, Consider Mediation
Ellie Stoddard
01/12/2005
If you or someone you know is considering, or in the process of getting, a divorce, there's something you should know. There's a way to go through the process that could contain hostilities, save spouses lots of time, and money, and leave the parties more intact when the process is done. That way is mediation.

Children’s Reactions To The News Of Divorce: What They Need From You
Donald T. Saposnek
12/14/2003
The discomfort of parents talking to children about their upcoming divorce is often exaggerated by worries about how the children will react. Parents frequently worry that their children will not be able to handle the news, will fall apart, will be sad or angry forever, or worse, will hate the parents for life. While children certainly do not generally take kindly to hearing that their parents are splitting up, they initially do respond in fairly typical ways that are in accord with their developmental stages.

Can You Have a Mediated Divorce If You Are Angry At Your Spouse?
Rachel Fishman Green, Esq.
03/07/2001
Anger is a normal feeling to have during a divorce. In fact, if you didn’t feel angry there would probably be something very wrong. Usually, one person has been unhappy for a period of time preceding the divorce, and was angry during this time. When that person tells the other that he or she has decided to leave the marriage, the other is in shock and has to deal with lots of emotions – sorrow, fear and certainly anger.

Co-Parenting
Michael Scott
11/18/2002
There are many threatening and frightening things that happen to individuals whose relationship ends up in separation or divorce. A successful divorce is one in which the parents divorce each other but do not require the child to divorce one of the parents, either as a result of parental conflict or by one parent not being available to the child.

What Parents Can Do to Help Children with Divorce
Barbara Stark
09/14/1998
A well known psychologist offers suggestions for what parents can do to support their children's comfort and adjustment to the many realities of divorce.

The Not So Gentle Art of Letting Go
Barry Simon
08/08/2001
As our marriages or domestic partnerships break apart, we make demands, expecting our soon to be ex-spouses to behave the way we wanted them to behave during the relationship. Unfortunately, waiting around for these unrealistic expectations to occur is a losing proposition.

Choosing A Divorce Mediator
Julie Denny
07/03/2000
Finding and selecting a mediator can be easier if you follow some simple steps. In the best of circumstances, divorce is an uncomfortable process. Take the time to assure you have a mediator whom you like, respect and believe to be qualified to help both of you negotiate that equitable settlement.

For general divorce information check out www.divorceguide.com

Association for Conflict Resolution, www.acrnet.org, is a national professional organization for dispute resolution practitioners. ACR members must subscribe to the Association’s ethical guidelines. Association membership levels are Associate, Member, Practitioner Member and Advanced Practitioner Member. Membership type is based upon training and experience.

Books

The Truth About Children and Divorce by Robert E. Emery, Ph.D.
http://emeryondivorce.com/index.php

Mom’s House Dad’s House: Making Two Homes for Your Child by Isolina Ricci
http://www.momshousedadshouse.com/parents.html

The Last Best Divorce Workbook by John Somers Flanagan
http://www.familiesfirstmt.com/pageview.asp?pages_id=44

Community Resources

Families First in Missoula offering support for divorcing parents.
http://www.familiesfirstmt.org/